being right isn't important

ever had a good argument dismissed just because someone else had to win?

we’ve all been there, even with family and friends.

under stress, our brain pumps out cortisol, shutting down functions like strategy and empathy. we react instinctively to avoid shame or loss of power, which messes with our emotional control.

typical stress responses are:

• fight (insist on your point)
• flight (go along with the majority)
• freeze (stop engaging)
• appease (agree to keep the peace)

these reactions prevent honest exchange and hurt relationships.

winning an argument triggers a rush, making us crave being right.

dominant leaders can force others into these stress responses.

what’s the alternative?

build trust and openness instead of arguing.

aim to produce oxytocin, which fosters trust and connection.

try these approaches:

• write down ideas and conclusions for everyone to see, which adds accountability.
• listen more than you speak to build trust.
• focus meeting agendas on key information and obstacles, not just updates.

when we argue, being right can upset others. when we share, we connect.